Quit my bitching

I shared my fledgling blog with a friend. I was struck by the most recent posts I had made, pleading to some non-existent being for a way out of the hole I had allowed myself to be placed in. I wanted so bad to delete all of those posts that were filled with emotion because what if someone sees it and judges me. In reality though, I'm not ashamed of having emotions. Thankfully however, I am becoming more adept at channeling those emotions into motivation.

I'm not a doctor, but I am prescribing you 500mgs of cowboy the fuck up.

For now, I will continue to ponder in what capacity I want this blog to exist. Do I want to speak on political or social merit? Do I wan people who live in my region to read it and know who I am? Or do I simply want to rant anonymously and share funny pictures with friends? There is a place and time for everything, but I am only on the Earth but once so I shall attempt to do everything simultaneously. If someone takes a deconstruction of a serious topic less seriously because it was preceded about how the world pisses me off, then I say, piss on them. In the future if I say something you disagree with, or if you simply want to troll me, leave a comment. If you are to afraid to speak up in any context, then Facebook is that way ---->

For now I will leave you with a thought. When J. Robert Oppenheimer first saw the results of the Manhattan Experiment in full effect e.g. a nuclear explosion, his thoughts immediately went to the Bhagavad Gita where Lord Krishna and Arjuna are having a conversation before the Kurukshetra War. To intimidate the human,Vishnu re-formed himself into the visage of a huge multi-armed writhing figure, enormously immense beyond the scale of simple human proportions. "Now I am become Death", he told the human, "destroyer of worlds.". (source)

The edacity of my social circle

Being back on Facebook has been an interesting re-acquaintance.

On one hand, I'm glad to be included in the room where people whisper, joke, and gossip with one another, otherwise known imposingly as "The Wall." Nobody likes to be left out.

On the other hand, if I had one, it is incredibly infuriating when I go to the effort of posting a worthwhile link, only to see no one respond.

A select few, Jaron, Joseph, Justin, and Nathan, respectively are exempt from always replying. I know they are as socially conscious as I am, if not more so and sometimes you can't stomach another brain-frying article about political fuck-ups or corporate takeover of liberties.

But for the rest of my sixty-one "friends," I have to ask, why am I friends with you again?

There are quite a number of professional "friendships" I have on Facebook, a necessary evil. There are also some old school buddies and some family. It strikes me to the core how many people are somewhat close to me in my life, yet I am unable to elicit any type of response on Facebook short of an update to the effect of "daaamn, did you see kanye's diss of beyonce?! that shit was raw! ~FuCk ThE BuLlShIt~ need to get paid!!!"

I feel like crying. I feel like screaming. I feel like choking everyone until they turn blue screaming, "There is a REAL FUCKING WORLD OUT THERE! WAKE UP!"

But maybe that's just me.

And now this...

Over half a month without posting, which is a good thing. I started this blog to relieve myself of pressure, which shows that for almost a month, things were looking up, and now this...

Where is my life taking me? All I know is that I'm pretty tough to have put up with the years of shit I've put up with. It's no Mogadishu, I'll give you that, but it ain't no paradise either.

Quote of the Day: July 12

"You don't piss off the person who owns a barrel of ink."

Montana Newspaper Association

I have my new press pass. I hope to get a nice hat and put it around the brim.

Weigh it out

What's worse in a relationship?

A couple big mistakes that hurt the self esteem of your partner in the short term?

or

A two year lie, saying your feel one way, but feeling the other?

[Oh I'm sorry, I knew you weren't the one for me all along. I should have let you know, sorry.

And those big mistakes you made? They ultimately didn't affect me as much as I pretended they did since I was never truly in love with you. My bad.]

Pro Tip: Don't waste two years of someone's life.

kthxbye.

One Week

It has been one week.

One week on my own. I cannot express the diversity of emotions I have felt throughout the last seven days. I have found myself sleeping a lot and I don't know whether it is from mental exhaustion or from depression, but nevertheless I feel quite rested with nothing to do. The highlights of my days consist of steeping outside to smoke, walking to a bar to have a beer, and receiving a call from a friend.

Having an empty office to myself is quite lonely. I can liken it to living in an empty library, without the books. The desire to tell others what I am going through is a strong one and that upsets me because I shouldn't need validation from others, but it somehow eases the pain. If they only understood. I can say that I am very grateful for the support everyone has given me. It has been wonderful to exit a highly negative situation where I was told how awful I am only to be given love and support from a variety of people.

My life matters and I want to do so much with it, but as the minutes tick by slowly, I find myself pondering the lack of real-time motivation. Pushing things off another hour is easier than ever now. I yearn to jump 2 years down the road so that I can look back at what I am doing as a character building process. I don't know anyone personally who has set out to do what I am doing and that makes me very happy to know that I am setting an example. An example to show that it can be done. You can live on the edge of society and come out on top. I just hope I make it.

Smoke off

Heavytime

So you probably know what situation I am in. If not, I will just say, no rent, no bed, no problem.

Today reached 100 degrees. I walked in the heat of the day to wash some clothes and almost went kaput from heat exhaustion. Science needs to create a pill that turns you into a marine grunt for 4 hour increments. I will say this: the feeling of not sweating because the air is so dry is a new one, and weird to say the least. You feel like a wick, which doesn't make much sense to say because in my experience, wicks catch on fire and burn, but it sounds right. The sweat just wicks off of you. Yeah, that's the ticket. It wicks off. Sort of sounds like a british slam right? Wick off chum!

After overheating I decided to sleep through the heat of the day, 1-5pm. Now I am relaxing from a swim at the gym following one of the most appreciated showers I have ever had. I was a bit uncomfortable in the nude but I don't think anyone was staring at my junk and I didn't stare at theirs, expect from some weird lower back hair some old guy had going on. I can't help it, it was like a target. But I think I'm okay. I'm a dude, I should be able to pee on mailboxes and shit in the yard if I wanted to right? Maybe I won't have to go through another session of "Show me on the doll where the bad man touched you" with the doctor. Okay, just kidding, no doctor. yet.

For now I will spend the rest of Friday night resisting temptation to go to the bar and sow my oats so that I will be able to wake up at 7:30 to ride to the mountains with Jim. Jim is a good guy. I think he is mistaken about almost every view he has politically, even though I am less articulate so I can't rightly debate with him, but I can't help it, I like the guy. He's a right wing nut job, but I'm a no-wing nut job, so there's that to like. I gave him a book called Emergency today. It's a survivalist book. He glanced through it and smiled that evil smile.

I'm almost done with Native Speaker. Okay book. Good book. Not the best, but good. Cheers to Nathan and Jaron. Oh and Kia, please stop reading my blog. KThxBye.

Quote of the Day

I feel the most defining aspect of our generation is being told we can do anything when we are kids, then growing up to find it isn't true.

White guy jokes

What's the best flat surface to iron your shirts on? A white girl's ass.

Why shouldn't white people go swimming? Because crackers get soggy when wet.

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA.

Embarrasing admittance

How is it that healthy food makes me feel queasy? if i were to have eaten a sugar filled pastry this morning instead of cherries and pineapples, I wouldn't be feeling like I need to throw up. What has the food industry done to me, what have I done to myself?

Cool Learnin's

One of the most important things I have learned about writing at the Big Horn County News office is that it is not acceptable to simply write. You have to make your story a joy to read. You have to keep the reader guessing where you're going next. You have to hold them close until that last great line that seals the deal and urges them quietly to read again next week. You have to enjoy this shit, man.

Quote of the Day: June 22

"Yes, yes, mother nature is a terrorist."

Swarm Light

by Fredrik Petrini

'Swarm Light' by rAndom International / Design Miami / Art Basel 2010 from rAndom International on Vimeo.

Heron, Gil Scott

More Aloe

Cee Lo Green

Sabali

Lyrics here

Selfish Jackass - Self Actualization

Lost in thought, I wonder who I truly am.

Am I the person you tell me I am, or am I the person I feel I am.

Common traits for someone who has reached self-actualization, according to wikipedia include:
"They embrace reality and facts rather than denying truth."
"They are accepting of themselves and others..."

For almost my whole life, people have gone to great lengths to tell me how selfish, spoiled, and mean I am.

If I face the facts, then perhaps I am all three, but perhaps people are mistaken. Misinterpretation can be dangerous. Possibly one reason that at age 27, I still feel like a teenager is that I still feel that I am misunderstood. Silly?

Regardless of what others say to me, I am me, and I know what I am worth. Just because I look angry from straining to see the computer screen without glasses for 10 years, and just because I am quiet in a social setting because I am not comfortable with inane banter and alcohol consumption, and just because I stand up for my principles in ways that others are afraid of does not mean I am some sort of pretentious and self-righteous ass.

Say what you will. Your negative thoughts and comments do not affect me and who I am. I love myself. I love people. I love humanity despite the flaws. And when you put me down? I love you too. And when I make mistakes, it weighs on me, same as it does you.

The world is a beautiful and ugly place but I am thankful for every moment I am given.

Familial Bonds Among the Crow

By ADAM STOLTMAN

Homemade Projector

http://www.instructables.com/id/homemade-projector-cornflake-box/

Broken or Tangled Headphones? There's an App For That

http://lifehacker.com/5562694/use-paracord-as-a-tangle+free-headphone-cord-wrapper

http://www.instructables.com/id/Headphone-plug-repair/

Goddamn the man

When you're down, you're down.

As if the economy isn't bad enough, just when you see what be a the light at the end of some dark mold-stained tunnel that you put yourself in a long time ago, some punk steps out of the dark and bashes you in the face with a two-by-four.

Feeling dazed from the fog-induced blindness that crippled your bitch ass before isn't enough to make you crawl, fucker's got to break your kneecaps too. And then he smiles some crazy crooked-ass grin, showing those rotten stink breath teeth, telling you to have a nice day.

Why don't you have a nice day you fuck. Have yourself a debt induced, emotionally draining, covered in the stench of life day. And I hope you fucking enjoy it.

When I see you, I won't step out of the shadows, creeping like some golem afraid of his reflection. I will step out proud, proud of overcoming the struggle, and I will put your ass down. You won't ever get back up.

This I swear.

Aloe Blac is on fire

Might we have found our generation's Bill Withers? Let us hope.

Aloe Blacc - I Need A Dollar (Official Video) from Stones Throw on Vimeo.

http://hellolurve.blogspot.com/
The music I post are mostly the ones I enjoy - electronica , a lot of indie, a bit of mainstream, the trio (which I call for rap, hiphop, rnb) and some old and random ones.

http://pigeonsandplanes.com/
Pigeons and Planes is a place where you can keep up with good new music, whether it be mainstream hip-hop, indie rock, or anything in between. Whether it’s the pop star you see on the magazine covers or the local band you’ve never heard of. The site is updated multiple times every day so check back.

A beautiful beautiful machine built buy a kid and his dad for an expensive $2400, however, they spared no expense with new components. This could be built for $700 minimum I feel. I am looking for a 26" frame now.

Survival of the ethical

There was once a local publication who had to withstand the leverage of a major customer. This customer wanted the little publication to be their own personal soapbox. The little publication withstood the influence and demands of the major customer and eventually the major customer withdrew their funding because they didn't get their way. The local publication will continue for the time being, with the proudest employees ever.

Sometimes you just have to stand up to the man and say Fuck You.

Scratch Bastid Mix

Mix Here

Old men that whistle while they talk

Yeah I love 'em.

He's in the office with a Duck Hat talking about his friend's old pal Dick Cheney and everytime he makes the S-sound, he whistles like a cartoon character. He is really concerned that someone is buying Custer Battle Field which is actually known as Little Big Horn Battle Field now.

I'm gonna be an old man that whistles while I walk.

Update: He will not stop talking. Now the topic is the Shelton gang in southern Illinois in the 1930's who rigged up weapons to do something unclear.
"Well, I better let you folks get to work here."

Breaking out

Working on a Monday morning.
Typing the most monotonous shit ever.
Using scripts to complete words and phrases to cut down on the fill.
Bright sky shining through the window into my tiny pupils/
Hot office, hot faux leather desk chair.
In my view are both an American flag, a Rupert Murdoch rug, and pointless brochures.
I have a desire to break free and fall into an icy river.
I need to catch a cold breath.

Solar Power Sun Dehydrator

http://www.thefarm.org/charities/i4at/surv/soldehyd.htm

http://kuler.adobe.com/

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