One Week

It has been one week.

One week on my own. I cannot express the diversity of emotions I have felt throughout the last seven days. I have found myself sleeping a lot and I don't know whether it is from mental exhaustion or from depression, but nevertheless I feel quite rested with nothing to do. The highlights of my days consist of steeping outside to smoke, walking to a bar to have a beer, and receiving a call from a friend.

Having an empty office to myself is quite lonely. I can liken it to living in an empty library, without the books. The desire to tell others what I am going through is a strong one and that upsets me because I shouldn't need validation from others, but it somehow eases the pain. If they only understood. I can say that I am very grateful for the support everyone has given me. It has been wonderful to exit a highly negative situation where I was told how awful I am only to be given love and support from a variety of people.

My life matters and I want to do so much with it, but as the minutes tick by slowly, I find myself pondering the lack of real-time motivation. Pushing things off another hour is easier than ever now. I yearn to jump 2 years down the road so that I can look back at what I am doing as a character building process. I don't know anyone personally who has set out to do what I am doing and that makes me very happy to know that I am setting an example. An example to show that it can be done. You can live on the edge of society and come out on top. I just hope I make it.