Quote of the Day: July 12

"You don't piss off the person who owns a barrel of ink."

Montana Newspaper Association

I have my new press pass. I hope to get a nice hat and put it around the brim.

Weigh it out

What's worse in a relationship?

A couple big mistakes that hurt the self esteem of your partner in the short term?

or

A two year lie, saying your feel one way, but feeling the other?

[Oh I'm sorry, I knew you weren't the one for me all along. I should have let you know, sorry.

And those big mistakes you made? They ultimately didn't affect me as much as I pretended they did since I was never truly in love with you. My bad.]

Pro Tip: Don't waste two years of someone's life.

kthxbye.

One Week

It has been one week.

One week on my own. I cannot express the diversity of emotions I have felt throughout the last seven days. I have found myself sleeping a lot and I don't know whether it is from mental exhaustion or from depression, but nevertheless I feel quite rested with nothing to do. The highlights of my days consist of steeping outside to smoke, walking to a bar to have a beer, and receiving a call from a friend.

Having an empty office to myself is quite lonely. I can liken it to living in an empty library, without the books. The desire to tell others what I am going through is a strong one and that upsets me because I shouldn't need validation from others, but it somehow eases the pain. If they only understood. I can say that I am very grateful for the support everyone has given me. It has been wonderful to exit a highly negative situation where I was told how awful I am only to be given love and support from a variety of people.

My life matters and I want to do so much with it, but as the minutes tick by slowly, I find myself pondering the lack of real-time motivation. Pushing things off another hour is easier than ever now. I yearn to jump 2 years down the road so that I can look back at what I am doing as a character building process. I don't know anyone personally who has set out to do what I am doing and that makes me very happy to know that I am setting an example. An example to show that it can be done. You can live on the edge of society and come out on top. I just hope I make it.

Smoke off

Heavytime

So you probably know what situation I am in. If not, I will just say, no rent, no bed, no problem.

Today reached 100 degrees. I walked in the heat of the day to wash some clothes and almost went kaput from heat exhaustion. Science needs to create a pill that turns you into a marine grunt for 4 hour increments. I will say this: the feeling of not sweating because the air is so dry is a new one, and weird to say the least. You feel like a wick, which doesn't make much sense to say because in my experience, wicks catch on fire and burn, but it sounds right. The sweat just wicks off of you. Yeah, that's the ticket. It wicks off. Sort of sounds like a british slam right? Wick off chum!

After overheating I decided to sleep through the heat of the day, 1-5pm. Now I am relaxing from a swim at the gym following one of the most appreciated showers I have ever had. I was a bit uncomfortable in the nude but I don't think anyone was staring at my junk and I didn't stare at theirs, expect from some weird lower back hair some old guy had going on. I can't help it, it was like a target. But I think I'm okay. I'm a dude, I should be able to pee on mailboxes and shit in the yard if I wanted to right? Maybe I won't have to go through another session of "Show me on the doll where the bad man touched you" with the doctor. Okay, just kidding, no doctor. yet.

For now I will spend the rest of Friday night resisting temptation to go to the bar and sow my oats so that I will be able to wake up at 7:30 to ride to the mountains with Jim. Jim is a good guy. I think he is mistaken about almost every view he has politically, even though I am less articulate so I can't rightly debate with him, but I can't help it, I like the guy. He's a right wing nut job, but I'm a no-wing nut job, so there's that to like. I gave him a book called Emergency today. It's a survivalist book. He glanced through it and smiled that evil smile.

I'm almost done with Native Speaker. Okay book. Good book. Not the best, but good. Cheers to Nathan and Jaron. Oh and Kia, please stop reading my blog. KThxBye.